CULTURAL BRIDGES BY TANNY DESALES

How to endear yourself to your mother-in-law

SAN FRANCISCO, California – The Chiz Escudero – Heart Evangelista relationship is under fire.

Heart’s parents Rey and Cecile Ongpauco openly express disapproval over their daughter’s senator boyfriend.

Cecile Ongpauco said she is planning to seek legal action against Chiz for claiming that “he is caught in the middle of a family feud.”

She added that she will file a civil complaint against Chiz for “privately meddling with or disturbing the private life of another.”

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Charming your potential mother-in-law is extremely stressful. A mouth free of smoke, alcohol or overbearing attitude is only half the battle.

Once you have found your way into your potential mother-in-law’s home, your most difficult task will be finding your way into their hearts.

A relationship advisor once said, “Your job when spending an evening or a weekend with the parents of your girlfriend is to demonstrate that you are civil and worthy of their affection.”

Here’s this column’s advice to Chiz:

1. Mirror the manner of the parents. – People like people who are like them. If the parents are conservative like the Ongpaucos who are more of the quiet type, lower your voice.

Psychological research shows a child’s romantic relationships are generally modeled after parental relationships.

Mirroring the behavior of the parents may have the extra benefit of subconsciously attracting your love interest to you – an element that is vital to parental approval.

2. Allow the parents to lead the conversation. – If they are not open to easy conversation, you will need to take the lead, but be careful not to talk so much that no one else gets a word in edgewise.

However, avoid discussing politics and religion. If these subjects are broached, make a quick noncommittal statement and change the subject.

3. If the parents do not take the lead in the conversation, select an object in the home and offer a complement about it.

People surround themselves with symbols that reveal what is important to them. Notice the theme of the home...spiritual, athletic, artistic, wordly – and allow their trappings to inspire a question.

If there are trophies, ask about the sport or event for which they were received. It there is artwork, ask about a piece that speaks to you.

4. Make eye contact whenever you speak. – Eye contact is an important indicator of honesty.

Focus the majority of your attention on the person with whom you are speaking, while connecting briefly with others in the room.

Do not overdo the eye contact with your love interest when you’re in the presence of parents.

5.  Help around the house. – Offer to help with the cooking and the dishes. One time, I helped carry a 50-pound rice my mother-in-law bought at a store five blocks away.

If you are spending an evening or two in the home of your girlfriend, don’t invite her to your room. Make your bed immediately after waking up.

If the father is working on a project on the house or tending to his pig or horse, offer a hand.

Suprising your potential mother-in-law by preparing breakfast, mowing the lawn or cleaning the toilet is overdoing it.

6. Be gracious and informative when you leave. – Thank the parents, especially your would-be mother-in-law, for their hospitality and let them know how much you enjoyed meeting them.

Assure them that both the emotional and physical safety of their daughter is your number priority./PN

VIEWPOINTS BY ABP. OSCAR V. CRUZ

Vote-selling, vote-buying

A LONG time since, the disturbing matter of vote-buying has been an issue whenever elections were held in the country.

And this shameful phenomenon has closely accompanied Philippine elections from the barangay to the national levels — may these be mid-term or presidential elections.

In fact, on the occasion of the recently concluded mid-term elections, the debasing reality of vote-buying was noted as significantly more widely practiced than in previous elections.

The truth of the matter is that there will be no vote-buying unless there is vote-selling.

These two transactional ventures come in pair, even but in ordinary business enterprises. No one can buy something if no one is selling anything. In the same way, no one can sell something if no one is buying anything.

Concretely in conjunction with the last election and the significantly more vote-selling-vote-buying that more extensively and openly accompanied the said political exercise, the following observations are well in order, even if only for a better understanding of its implications — all of which are anything but pacifying and inspiring realities.

The first and foremost truth behind the detestable agenda is that — notwithstanding all heavenly surveys to the contrary — there are even more Filipinos who live in poverty in the event that they do not actually wallow in misery.

No one with even but a little delicadeza would sell his dignity, and making money through the selling of his vote is intimately linked with his good name.

But then, there is this well-known saying, “An empty stomach has no ears.” This is why, although vote selling is contrary to elementary ethical standard, it is unreasonable to blame, much less condemn, the sellers.

Then enter the long-since-established fact that Philippine politics make a great business.

Wherefore, as a rule, only rich individuals and wealthy families usually aspire for and seek the tenure of public offices, precisely because so much capital is needed to buy votes — among other expensive pre-election agenda, such as the gathering of guns and the hiring of goons.

But once successfully elected, the capital return is immense.

Sad to say, this is precisely why individuals living with integrity and having competence but have no money to use as capital for elections are the last ones to aspire for public offices.

Lastly, all the above constitute the fundamental reason that — as well said by those in the know — supposedly winning political candidates in the Philippines are but “proclaimed,” considering that it is not sure if they are really elected.

Translation: They become authorized to assume the public offices they campaigned for, not really because it is certain that the people voted for them freely and willingly, but simply because it is said so by these and those individuals tasked to do so./PN

WHISTLEBLOWER BY ERICK SAN JUAN

Creating the situation

I READ the book review of Timothy Westmyer, research and program assistant for the Rising Powers Initiative, Sigur Center for Asian Studies, at the George Washington University, about  the paradoxical trend, which came from the lecture of Andrew Wedeman, professor of political science at the Georgia State University.

In Wedeman’s recent book, “Double Paradox: Rapid Growth and Rising Corruption in China,” he explained how and why the Chinese economy performed so well in spite of widespread corruption at almost kleptocratic levels in China.

Wedeman argued that, by any reasonable measure, China had a long-standing serious problem with corruption.

He cited the Transparency International, an anti-corruption watchdog that ranks countries by their levels of corruption.

China was pinpointed as the second most corrupt nation in the world on their 1995 list. He added that China has a number of high-profile corruption cases ranging from dishonest deals in real estate and massive smuggling operations, to pension fund thefts and the controversial murder-bribery story of Bo Xilai.

Timothy Westmyer said the conventional wisdom of economic theory would predict a strong negative correlation between corruption and economic growth.

As the rate of extortion, bribes, kickbacks and looting increases in a nation, one would expect economic growth to suffer. But not in China?

Professor Wedeman pointed out that China’s gross domestic product per capita was unaffected by persistent corruption and grew rapidly since the early 1980’s.

Wedeman cited three major factors on how China did it — the timing of economic growth before corruption took hold, the specific nature of its economic reforms, and a genuine anti-corruption efforts advocated by Deng Xiao Ping in 1982 when he declared a “war on corruption” that is still echoed by China’s leaders today.

But what went wrong? China now felt the danger to its economic growth and party control of too much corruption.

One of Deng Xiao Ping’s economic reforms, like the transfer of assets such as property from the state to entrepreneurs, that fostered economic growth became an important source of corruption.

According to pundits, the new generation of Chinese leaders headed by its new president, Xi Jin Ping, regrouped and shift gear, focused on external threats to unite China.

It is believed that the new politburo is quietly making serious adjustments in their foreign policy. The focus is South China Sea — firstly, to counter the US pivot in Asia; in particular, a tougher defense position in the South China Sea.

China could be fighting several fronts in the process: the aggravation of several territorial disputes between Beijing and Tokyo, regarding the Diaoyu Island; between Beijing and Manila, regarding the Scarborough Shoal and the Kalayaan Island Group; and between Beijing and Hanoi, over the Paracels.

China’s People’s Liberation Army sees the US as the biggest threat and using their allies in Asia to contain China.

Peter McKenzie of PolicyMic.com believed that China could spark the next big war. The territorial disputes could allegedly herald a volatile flashpoint where a large incident could provoke war on an international scale.

With China’s nine-dotted lines and other historical claims, McKenzie argued that a single blunder could further incite either China or the coalition of Asian states that usually oppose to declare war on one another.

A war in this region, he said, will greatly affect the international community, as well as Asia.

Almost every nation in the Asia Pacific can hear the drums of war. David Wroe, a defense correspondent of the Sydney Morning Herald, reported that a US military strategy being mapped out to deal with the growing power of China in the western Pacific — a plan that would inevitably ensnare Australia — could escalate into a nuclear war.

In a study by the Australian Strategic Policy Institute, the fashionable “Air-Sea Battle” concept, which Washington strategists are developing to keep the US’ grip on its air and sea power near the Chinese mainland, contains uncertainties and potential shortfalls that could heighten the nuclear risk.

So who will create the situation? Who will blink first? The economics of war is in the offing!/PN

THE DENTIST IS IN BY DR. JOSEPH D. LIM

Dental divide

(Part 1)

POOR Americans are twice as likely to be toothless than their wealthier counterparts.

This is one of the revealing findings of “The Dental Divide in America Study,” an interactive online survey conducted April 24–29 in the US by the Harris Interactive, one of the world’s leading market research firms.

The survey was made on behalf of the American Dental Association (ADA) to better understand the parents’ attitudes, perceptions and behaviors related to dental care.

Established in 1859, the nonprofit ADA is the largest dental association in the US and represents 157,000 dentist members.

The online survey included 1,221 Americans aged 18 and older, of whom 310 had a household income of less than $30,000 and 911 had a household income of $30,000 or more.

Respondents were asked how they perceived their current dental health, sources of information and choices they have made regarding dental health, and their personal dental hygiene habits. Those with children under 18 were asked these same questions about their children’s habits.

Following are the survey’s results.

Lower-income adults 18 years old and older are more than two times as likely as middle- and higher-income adults to have had all of their teeth removed (seven percent vs. three percent).

Nearly half of lower-income adults in the survey said they have not seen a dentist in a year or more. In contrast, the vast majority (70 percent) of middle- and higher-income wage earners have.

Nearly one in five (18 percent) low-income adults said they or a household member had sought treatment for dental pain in an Emergency Room (ER) at some point in their lives, compared to only seven percent of middle- and higher-income adults.

Only six percent of the poor who went to ERs for help with dental emergencies said their needs were met.

The survey’s findings reflect prior research such as an analysis of 2010 data made by the ADA’s Health Policy Resources Center, which shows that 181 million Americans did not visit the dentist in 2010.

Nearly half of adults over age 30 suffer from some form of gum disease, according to the Centers for Disease Control, and nearly one in four children under the age of five already have cavities.

“We’ve made great progress, with each generation enjoying better dental health than the one before,” said Dr. Robert A. Faiella, ADA president.

“But there’s still a dangerous divide in America between those with good dental health and those without,” he said. “Our mission is to close that divide. Good oral health isn’t a luxury. It’s essential.”

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Dr. Joseph Lim is the dean of the College of Dentistry, National University; president/CEO of Dr. Smile Dental Care and Laser Center; and honorary fellow of the Asian Oral Implant Academy and the Japan College of Oral Implantologists. For questions on dental health, e-mail This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or text 09178591515./PN